Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize