I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
