I only kidnapped one of them. chill
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
