I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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