Swine flu. Run for my life!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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