Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
