Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
