are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
COCAINE IS GR8
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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