Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
