my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Mom said you looked used
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Randomize
