the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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