I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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