dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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