I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
