Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
