He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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