your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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