Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
