There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
