Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
