In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
