went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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