I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
