New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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