I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
