Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have feelings that need drinking.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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