Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
