so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
