I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im six kinds of drunk right now
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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