Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
