I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I want to have your abortion
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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