Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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