did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
