i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
