My friends, they love my intelligence
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
