The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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