So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
