she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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