I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
