I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
