There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Randomize
