Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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