How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
