I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
