Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
