I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
