You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
