Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
