Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
