My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
