I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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