i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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