dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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