what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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