I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
