He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
