i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
