Cold hands, warm shart.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
