mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
