Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
