She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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