Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
