Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
