shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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