i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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