the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
