I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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